#18 Taking Up Space ~ February Thaw
I had found the last seat in the back of the trolley and was idly watching as a pleasant-faced young man worked his way in my direction. He found a friend across the aisle and as he turned to chat, I saw his backpack barely miss the head of an old man sitting in front of me. Every time the trolley swayed and the young man moved to balance, the backpack moved too. In horrified fascination I watched as it swayed away from the old man’s head, then came back closer, bumped lightly, swayed away. The old man hunched forward. The friends’ conversation continued uninterrupted. The pack swung. Finally I could stand it no longer, and called the young man’s attention to what he was doing. He turned immediately to apologize, and adjusted his position. Clearly he had been unaware. He apologized again as he left the trolley, and I should have been satisfied to let it go.
Yet it stayed. Somehow that backpack had become a symbol for me of all the well-intentioned people in this world who take up more than their share of space, and are cosmically unaware of their impact on others. It has stayed with me as well since this issue of taking up space pulls me hard in two very different directions.
On the one hand, I have a goal of taking up more space in my life. If you think of all of us having a certain allotment of space in this world—the exterior of our bodies, how far our arms and legs extend, the air space around us, I tend to be pretty conservative. I can squeeze into a small bit of a bed or a couch, am pretty quiet in groups, and spend more time in my interior than on the borders I share with others. Yet I think it makes sense to venture out from the safe fortresses some of us have built deep inside. It makes sense to explore our frontiers, live out to our very edges, inhabit the places where we overlap with and bump up against others. I think that’s the only way to be our full selves, to be as big as we were meant to be. And, for a conservative like me, that might means risking the mistake of taking up space that isn’t mine.
On the other hand, it is painful to see the unawareness with which people fill up space that doesn’t belong to them, or that clearly needs to be shared. I am particularly conscious of the space that wealth takes in this world, the resources it uses, the size of the footprint it leaves on our earth. I would not wish to take up so much space that others are left without enough. And I think we, in the richest country on earth, do that all the time without even knowing it. We’re certainly not trying to hurt anybody. And, unfortunately, the solution is not as easy as taking off the backpack and stowing it between our legs. But I think we have to start by noticing, and by being willing—if only in principle at this point—to be content with our share.
So I’m left with the challenge of stretching all the way out to my edges (and maybe beyond at times, if that’s what it takes to find them) and, at the same time, of not taking up more space than is mine. It sounds impossible, but I have a hunch that if we all rose to the challenge we would find that there is enough for everybody—maybe not to have all the stuff we are used to, but to stretch and breathe freely and have a big life.
Pamela Haines
Philadelphia, 2/04
February Thaw
Coming home
the commuters look different
They have sprouted with flowers
balloons
bright packages
Edges soften
Hearts peek out
Love that must be
there every day
made visible
And I
hardened foe of consumerism
am touched
this Valentines Eve.
Yet it stayed. Somehow that backpack had become a symbol for me of all the well-intentioned people in this world who take up more than their share of space, and are cosmically unaware of their impact on others. It has stayed with me as well since this issue of taking up space pulls me hard in two very different directions.
On the one hand, I have a goal of taking up more space in my life. If you think of all of us having a certain allotment of space in this world—the exterior of our bodies, how far our arms and legs extend, the air space around us, I tend to be pretty conservative. I can squeeze into a small bit of a bed or a couch, am pretty quiet in groups, and spend more time in my interior than on the borders I share with others. Yet I think it makes sense to venture out from the safe fortresses some of us have built deep inside. It makes sense to explore our frontiers, live out to our very edges, inhabit the places where we overlap with and bump up against others. I think that’s the only way to be our full selves, to be as big as we were meant to be. And, for a conservative like me, that might means risking the mistake of taking up space that isn’t mine.
On the other hand, it is painful to see the unawareness with which people fill up space that doesn’t belong to them, or that clearly needs to be shared. I am particularly conscious of the space that wealth takes in this world, the resources it uses, the size of the footprint it leaves on our earth. I would not wish to take up so much space that others are left without enough. And I think we, in the richest country on earth, do that all the time without even knowing it. We’re certainly not trying to hurt anybody. And, unfortunately, the solution is not as easy as taking off the backpack and stowing it between our legs. But I think we have to start by noticing, and by being willing—if only in principle at this point—to be content with our share.
So I’m left with the challenge of stretching all the way out to my edges (and maybe beyond at times, if that’s what it takes to find them) and, at the same time, of not taking up more space than is mine. It sounds impossible, but I have a hunch that if we all rose to the challenge we would find that there is enough for everybody—maybe not to have all the stuff we are used to, but to stretch and breathe freely and have a big life.
Pamela Haines
Philadelphia, 2/04
February Thaw
Coming home
the commuters look different
They have sprouted with flowers
balloons
bright packages
Edges soften
Hearts peek out
Love that must be
there every day
made visible
And I
hardened foe of consumerism
am touched
this Valentines Eve.
posted by Pamela Haines | 6:10 PM
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